Surviving 2019

2019 was one tumultuous year.
It was rough. It was joyful. It was frustrating. It was traumatic. It had moments that made me celebrate what I was great at. And it had days when I almost chose to give up given how unfair so many things were.  I thought 2018 was rough. I didn't realize 2019 was to be far worse.


So do pardon me if I seem to be celebrating that 2019 is finally coming to a close.

I completed my 12 New Games personal challenge again this year.  Admittedly, I went over this year, with 13 new game systems under my belt instead of just 12.
1) Bubblegumshoe
2) Headspace
3) Cold Shadows
4) Praxis: King of Storms
5) Mouse Guard Roleplaying Game
6) The Sword, The Crown, and the Unspeakable Power
7) Alien the RPG
8) Exalted 3rd edition
9) Wraith: the Oblivion, 20th edition
10) Kult: Divinity Lost
11) Pendragon
12) Tiny Frontiers Revised
13) Lords of Gossamer and Shadow

There were podcast guestings, talks, and youtube actual plays, from the attendance in Design Week PH, the ESGS, the Philippine International Literary Festival, and more. There were event invitations to showcase my works.  There were news article mentions and foreign translations or re-implementations of my games, which reminded me that I  was making a difference in my own way. My work connected with people. My actions reached others. It was nice to know people resonated with my work in one way or another. That people enjoyed the games I created. Or wanted to learn more from what I had to share.  

 

There are my TAG Team Supporters, my Patrons who continue to support me and trust in my creative journey. I remain immensely grateful for your kindness and as I have committed years before, I continue to commit myself to sharing my knowledge, being creative, and create games.

And there were the people. Wonderful, creative, and kind people both new to the industry and veterans in the field. People who welcomed me, laughed alongside me, offered help, received feedback, shared thoughts, empathized, and simply shared mutual gratitude. There were those who tried my games and discovered the fun tabletop rpgs can offer for the very first time. And there were distant friends who shared support. You know who you are all. I thank you and I love you all.

On the creative side, I was able to release a few games this year. Some alone. Others as part of other people's projects. And a number of cancelled projects. 

Personal releases included:

 

I wasn't able to create as much as I used to, but I guess I should at least be grateful that I was able to still create despite the temptations at times to give it all up and completely stop creating. Hopefully, I'll be able to stay focused and continue being productive in how I channel my emotions. I owe it to myself, to my partner, my family, and my patrons and friends to stay the course and never give up.

So as the year comes to an end, I just want to be grateful that I survived. I feel like parts of me died this 2019, and I  know I was very close to giving everything up. Had it not been for my loved ones, my friends, and even complete strangers, I may not had been here to write this post. The darkness never seems to end, but we must continue to believe.  Even if it seems like we are just fooling ourselves.

The late Sir Terry Prachett said it best:

So, here's to a brighter year, 2020.
I choose to believe it will be.